Old writings: Myers-Briggs and INTJ

I keep running across writing assignments I did for an intro to creative writing class (very intro it seems, perhaps a little too intro). Based on the content, I would guess that they were done some time in 2000, shortly after my wife left me and our two children, ages 6 and 3, to go “find herself” after a diagnosis of severe mental illness (the acute phase of the most recent episode had passed with treatment by that point). I am at a point in my existence where I’m trying to rid myself of piles of paper, bits and pieces, projects I’ll never finish or whose “best before” date has passed (e.g. someone’s already totally done it), and these writings don’t get thrown out because of the time they were written, so I’m going to capture them here and finally toss them in the recycling bin.

I am an INTJ, and apparently a representative one. For anyone who does not recognize those four letters, they are my Myers-Briggs personality type. I was first introduced to the concept of a formal personality type categorization scheme in a course I was taking on leadership in the workplace. Everyone in the class was given the materials they needed to determine their own personality type, and we then shared our results with the others in the class. It was an entertaining exercise, but it wasn’t until the facilitator started talking about how the different personality types interacted that I realized the power and utility of this seemingly simple classification scheme. By knowing, or deciphering, another person’s personality type, it would allow you to anticipate how they would react to your actions and reactions and how you were likely going to react to them. Through my readings, I have since discovered that this concept, introduced in its current from in the 1950s by Isabel Myers and Katheryn Briggs, had a history that goes back through Carl Jung all the way to Hippocrates almost twenty-five centuries earlier.

A personality type consists of the orientations Introverted vs. Extroverted, iNtuitive vs. Sensing, Thinking vs. Feeling, and Judging vs. Perceiving. Each characteristic is a continuum between the two extremes for that characteristic, and indicates the mode that a person is most comfortable operating in. For example, an introvert can be extroverted, but it often requires effort on the part of the introvert. Although I love being around people, as an “introvert” I find it draining to interact with others for long periods or even to be in a crowd; whereas an “extrovert” would be energized or even exhilarated by those very same situations. The literature describes people who are “sensing” as thinking of themselves as “practical”, and people who are “intuitive” as thinking of themselves as “innovative”. Apparently the “intuitive” vs. “sensing” categorization offers the greatest divide between people and how they react to each other. To the S type, an N type can appear “flighty, impractical, and unrealistic or a dreamer”; but to an N type, the S type can be “plodding and exasperatingly slow to see possibilities in tomorrow”. The “thinker” bases their decisions on logic and their intellect, and the “feeler” bases theirs on their emotions and how it will impact other people. The “judger” is comfortable when things are settled, and the “perceiver” is comfortable when things are more fluid and their options are all open. Studies show that about 25% of people are introverted, 25% are intuitive, 50% are thinking, and 50% are judging so only around 1% of the population is INTJ.

There are many subtleties in combining all of those characteristics into the description of a personality type, but the resulting composite describes the way I have behaved through my life with frightening accuracy. The descriptions say that INTJs are the most self-confident type, that we live in an “introspective reality, focusing on possibilities”, and that we are natural decision makers. One trait that has consistently landed me in hot water is, for INTJs, “authority based on position, rank, title, or publication has absolutely no force”. If I am not very careful, I can be profoundly annoying to those people with personality types that require an explicit knowledge of their place in the scheme of things. Somewhat less flattering is that we prefer that events and people serve some positive use, and that we interact with the world through our own self-consistent logic systems. That last point is pretty bizarre and can lead to some of the most amazingly interesting or disturbing behaviour, depending on how it is applied. INTJs see reality as “something which is quite arbitrary and made up”, “quite malleable”, and something that “can be changed”. In essence, INTJs create their own personal reality. Several of my very good friends have independently commented that my world view and behaviour can be literally alien. The good news is that my parents laid an excellent foundation of positive morals and ethics that are an integral part of the way that I do things, and that part of my personal world view is that everyone and everything is valuable and should be respected.

As an addendum, since I wrote that I have read many critiques of the Myers-Briggs system; however, I have also become convinced that there is something fundamental in the distribution of the various personality types in human society (whether you use Myers-Briggs or some other measure). In particular, it seems curious to me that the different types seem to be roughly in the right proportions to create and support the sorts of civilizations humans have created since we started forming permanent settlements and developing the technologies needed to support that form of community (to be clear, there are profoundly revolutionary technologies that support non-settled societies). As a fantasy, I’ve sometimes thought about trying to pursue research to find out if there is an actual genetic component to it — whether through predisposition due to inheritance, and/or a “spin of the bottle” at conception to see determine what mix is provided as a starting point. Again, type in this context is a predisposition, not a determinant.

Old Writings: Morning routine with kids

I keep running across writing assignments I did for an intro to creative writing class (very intro it seems, perhaps a little too intro). Based on the content, I would guess that they were done some time in 2000, shortly after my wife left me and our two children, ages 6 and 3, to go “find herself” after a diagnosis of severe mental illness (the acute phase of the most recent episode had passed with treatment by that point). Based on my discussion of work, this certainly would have been before mid-2001 because I was still at Nortel when I wrote this, and was commuting in from Oxford Mills, Ontario to Nepean, Ontario; and my youngest was still in junior kindergarten. I am at a point in my existence where I’m trying to rid myself of piles of paper, bits and pieces, projects I’ll never finish or whose “best before” date has passed (e.g. someone’s already totally done it), and these writings don’t get thrown out because of the time they were written, so I’m going to capture them here and finally toss them in the recycling bin.

My own average day begins when my youngest child, Happy, wakes me up to say good morning. They will either play in their room or watch TVO Kids while I nap until 6:30AM. As I rouse myself, I try to remember what day of the week it is and what my workday will consist of. Every day has a slightly different mix of morning activities. I go and wake up my difficult to rouse older child Beep and let them and Happy play or watch TV while I take my shower and get myself dressed. Often the pair of them will dress themselves, but there are days when they are too groggy or silly to get ready themselves and I have to choose their clothes for them. Once we are all dressed, I get breakfast ready. Breakfast is one of the most important meals in our house, and I try to take extra care in its preparation. Whether it’s cereal with blueberries; home-made bread with butter and honey; pancakes with maple syrup; a full bacon, eggs, toast, and tea breakfast; or something a bit more experimental, the success of my breakfast sets my mood for the rest of the day. Once we are done with breakfast, the kids go upstairs to brush their teeth and hair. If they are finished early, they can watch Blues Clues on television. While they are doing that, I get their lunches ready. Happy goes to school every Monday, Wednesday, and every other Friday. On the other days, I don’t need to prepare them a lunch for them because they are fed at their daycare. Mornings are without a doubt the most stressful part of my day.

By 8:15AM the kids and I have to be out at the road waiting for the school bus. On the days Happy goes to daycare, I drive them there on my way to work. Happy’s teachers at their daycare are great people and I will often spend a few minutes saying hello if things are not too chaotic. If I have not managed to have one yet, I will stop in the town of Kemptville for a cup of coffee on my way past. From the time I leave my door to the time I get to the parking lot of my work in Nepean takes about 45 to 50 minutes, and another 10 minutes to walk to my desk from where I usually end up parking. While I’m driving I will often play music or sing in between newscasts on the CBC. On some days, I just turn off the radio and contemplate life, the universe, and everything. Most often, I have no idea what my work day is going to be like, but for the past several months it has been a non-stop barrage of meetings, telephone calls, e-mails, questions, and the occasional time spent producing visible results. I usually eat lunch in the cafeteria with the other people on the team, but because it’s difficult for me to socialize in the evenings I occasionally go out for lunch with a friend. The parts of my job I like most are mentoring the younger designers and coordinating things with other companies across North America and Europe. I do enjoy my job, but some days I am practically crawling back to my car when it’s finally time to go home. During my drive back, I try to relax and change gears from thinking about work to thinking about my children.

After I have picked up the kids and arrived at home, they both need some “down time”, so I let them play or watch TVO Kids or PBS while I am getting supper ready. Most nights I try to cook something interesting and healthy, but once in a while I will be too tired and will order out or make the kids something like Kraft Dinner or pogos and fries. The kids’ favourites are when I cook a Chinese-style stir fry with rice or noodles, or when we have something Mexican as long as it’s not too spicy. My favourite is East Indian or Thai cooking because of the richness of the flavours, but it’s often only practical to put in that much effort when I have a guest over who also enjoys it. After dinner, we all do our homework if we have any, do some arts and crafts, or sometimes just go our separate ways to relax. If it’s a bath night, the kids have to be in the tub by 7:00PM. Almost every night, they have brushed their teeth and are in bed by 7:30PM. I read three picture books, one or two short stories, or one or two chapters from a long story. Sometimes Beep will read the first story to Happy and I. Happy is sometimes asleep two thirds of the way through the stories. I then sing songs for 15 or 20 minutes and finally tuck them both in for the night. Depending on how much energy I have left, if any, I will either do some work, relax by reading or watching a show or movie, or even go straight to sleep. I am supposed to be in bed by 11:00PM, but I find that it can be anywhere from 9:00PM to 1:00AM depending on how things went that day and how much I’ve slept the rest of the week. I lead a very hectic life right now, but in less than two years, when Happy is in school full time, I plan to change careers so I can spend more time at home and with my family. Until then, I can safely say that there’s never a dull moment in any of my average days.

A a postscript to this, the high tech industry in Ottawa began to crumble in 2001 and my hope of changing careers never materialized. I dodged for a couple of years but was eventually laid off, tried to start a business with a couple of other folks (turned out to be impossible because nobody was investing in high tech things then), and eventually had to leave the country with my kids to take a job in the US. I still haven't managed to achieve that career change despite having come back to Canada and gone to university in 2009 because of massive trauma I experienced at the time related to my kids’ mother (that I am arguably still recovering from, as are my now adult kids).

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