pheloniusfriar | Aug. 12th, 2014

LASER CAT DID NOT LIKE MY CHESTERFIELD!!! O_o

I can't help but think that someone was using this drinking fountain incorrectly... or the maintenance staff is somehow profoundly unclear on the concept (current configuration of said "drinking fountain" on 3rd floor of the Herzberg Physics Building at Carleton University):

My alternator died, I got that one installed just slightly over a year ago... just slightly longer ago than its one year warranty... I was pretty pissed and pretty much flat freaking broke, but mostly pissed, so I decided I would try to make it all the way downtown from where I lived (about 10km away... roughly 6 miles for those of you still stuck in the Middle Ages) to drop my car off at my mechanic. Now, it was a pretty sketchy proposition because I had no battery in my car and so used the booster pack I had picked up from Canadian Tire on special in place of a battery or alternator. In preparation, I disconnected my actual car battery (so it wouldn't be charging from my booster pack) and pulled the fuses for my headlights, radio, and anything else I could think of that wasn't necessary to actually run the engine of the beast. Now, before you think I'm completely daft (which I am, but that's beside the point here), I do have a CAA membership (Canadian Automobile Association... same idea as the AAA in the US) and a cell phone and did have a Plan B of calling a tow truck if my madcap idea fizzled out. I hooked up the cables, started the car, and set off on my adventure. I braked as best I could (when there was nobody behind me) with the transmission so I would not activate the brake lights, signaled only when necessary, and put the car in park at traffic lights. I was doing pretty well and had made it up the Vanier Parkway almost to Beechwood/St. Patrick when ... early rush hour traffic to Québec! Stop and go traffic. I knew there was no way the spark plugs would keep firing long enough to get to the traffic light and turn left if I had to ride my brake lights all the way there... What to do? In desperation (and apparently inspiration), I went around all the left-turning traffic to the right and went straight through the intersection, turned right and right and right around a block and got onto Beechwood/St. Patrick without having to wait in the traffic turning left! That definitely saved my ass and I made it to the garage on St. Patrick. I pulled up and the mechanic recognized me and came out to say hi and then noticed the kludge that I had rigged up: a jumper cable running out from under the hood into the passenger side of the car, wtf? Heh. I opened the hood and explained the problem (no alternator/dead battery). They were, it seems, both impressed and horrified with my ingenuity, creativity, chutzpah, and lack of the basic common sense found in many other primates; mammals; and possibly even invertebrates, fungi, sponges, and slime molds. I present here my fine work: